Browsing Category

Wellbeing

Wellbeing

It’s OK to feel sad this Christmas

November 11, 2018

I had written this article for a magazine but after watching The Grinch UK with my boys today, I thought there may be some of you who will appreciate it now, in early November….

One son was at Cubs for the evening, another was playing with his wooden train track and the last was mumbling about no charge in the iPad. I had my biggest number of print orders on my art website that week and was amidst the hustle of making myself and my husband a late dinner. Stir-fry and prawns. Nothing too tasking.

Without warning or reason the tears settled into the creases of my eyeliner. Thoughts of Dad rushed as I lifted the kids empty plastic cups off the table. The table he bought with his first pay cheque. Now a battered table and, when moved it almost loses a wooden leg. Yet, it holds meaning and it is one of the ways to be close to my Dad who died when I was seven.

The older I get the more I cling to the physical elements where he once breathed life. The character of a man still lingering through this wonky table or white bulb light that hangs above my kitchen breakfast bar. A white light bulb light box with the words ‘duneight services’across it. This was the petrol station Dad owned with my, also deceased, Uncle Tom.

Memories of him on every crevice and corner of my home. I pass such fixtures everyday and my eyes do not flicker, nor does my heart pull. However, in this instance, while the cinnamon candle burns and the Christmas advertisements begin to ring out on the television, I feel grief in all it’s force. And I cry.

Tears flowing. To the point where my two year old asks “did you bang your knee too, mummy?”. Uncontrolled and wet. Wet soppy tears and a yearning for my Dad to be sat with a cup of tea and his oil stained hands from mechanic work at the table he used to own. A need for him to talk about the weather or to lift one of my sons into the air for a shoulder ride.

It’s a pain I cannot put lightly into sentences but one that I have learned to let exist. In the busyness and the rough and tumble of being a business woman, a wife and a mum, I no longer reject these emotions and this… well, sadness.

So much of my life was spent telling myself that I was “lucky “ because dad died of natural causes instead of being murdered or killed suddenly. Other times I had myself convinced that one parent being alive was all I ever needed and that grieving Dad was my way of looking for pity.

But that is not the case.
I don’t want attention or pitying eyes on me when I have these moments that stop me in my tracks as I boil potatoes on the hob.

I don’t need hands on my back patting me. I just need that fleeting moment in time to remember who is missing so much of my life. Who no longer sits at the table at Christmas.

My beautiful cousin died in January and this Christmas we will be without her on Christmas day. After both of our fathers died the two families and widowing mothers merged. Even after we had our own children everyone still continued to mash together like a herd of cattle to share Christmas shloer and cut the turkey.

I remember a few years ago as I took the annual self timer shot of our family one of us commented how we have to do these things because “you never know what the next year will bring”.

And its true, isn’t it? A few days, hours or months can change a whole lot in our lives.

So this Christmas, if you dread the radio playing “the bells are ringing out for Christmas day” or, you find yourself slapped in the face by grief as you bundle the kids to send them to the school nativity. Please afford yourself that time.

Tears can be wiped and make up retouched. But memories and moments in the short spaces of stillness that we give ourselves, cannot be replaced.

Allow your mind to take that journey of engaging with the smells and sounds that once were. The ones that remind you vividly of the person you miss with all of your heart.

Your life is all the richer for keeping the ones you have lost at the forefront. Talking about them, wearing their sweaters (or Dad’s boiler suit like I do when I paint. ) and playing their top 10 tunes on the hi fi that sat in their bedroom.

Grief doesn’t disappear but it does linger and I’ve learned that it, in itself, can be a good thing.

A two minute window when we are forced to stand still while the world spins – It’s ok to feel sad this Christmas.
When your tears are wiped and your laughter returns you will be all the more merry for it!

Continue Reading…

Wellbeing

Gareth McKeown EXPERT OF THE MONTH

September 4, 2018

If you have listened to any of the podcast interviews that I have been privileged to be a part of in the last month (She said club interview here and Best of Belfast here) then it will not be a secret to you that I am bringing out a workout programme!! I have admired and known Gareth for a long time. He is one of those physio type people (technical term for his profession is below) who I can spend two minutes with complaining about my sore shoulder and within that short time he uses his clever brain to fix it. Not in a freaky way but in a methodical genius way. Continue Reading…

Wellbeing

Reformer pilates : love at first sight

July 16, 2018

It really felt like love the very moment I jumped from the kick board at my first Reformer pilates in Reform studios Holywood studio. I have had this blog for three years now and I have had the pleasure of trying Yoga at the  The Yoga Quarter, open water swimming and my first triathlon. I have worked with endless Personal trainers (most of whom feature here on the blog)with have guided me in my own training. But my experience with Reformer pilates has been a game changer. Here is why; Continue Reading…

Wellbeing

Art + fitness are good for your mental health.

June 1, 2018

A psychologist I am not but a living breathing, emotional, reactive human being I most certainly am. Therefore, my blog allows me to share thoughts, some of my life and my (mainly personal) findings in relation to this topic of art and fitness. It is something I am so passionate about and excited to share with you. In this post we will discuss how art and fitness are linked and how they will improve your overall state of mind. Continue Reading…

Wellbeing

Stefanie McCluskey – Expert of the month

April 30, 2018

I met Stefanie through Mike McCommish and we got along royally! She never stops smiling, laughing and inspiring online and offline. She personal trains clients with such genuine enthusiasm and care. Stefanie holds fitness, food and fashion afternoons in Podium 4 sport which you should keep an eye out for. She is also an athlete with a powerful personal drive for getting better and stronger.  Continue Reading…

Wellbeing

Here’s to you, strong female.

April 6, 2018

“ The emerging woman … will be strong-minded, strong-hearted, strong-souled, and strong-bodied…strength and beauty must go together.”Louisa May Alcott

From Fifty shades of grey ( Jamie, I’m sorry, as lovely as you are, these movies are terrible) to the more serious cases in and out of court around sexual harassment, women are at the centre.
Continue Reading…

Wellbeing, Words

Feed your mind, the digital way. Libraries NI

March 10, 2018

When I am asked to partner with a brand my first thought/question is always, without hesitation “ Is this the right fit for me and my audience?”.

So ,when  libraries NI approached me – a name and facility which was a huge part of my childhood, my pregnancies, my marriage, the baby years with my first two boys-  I was immediately in and couldn’t wait to find out more for you.

Reading and writing ironically became my favourite thing to do after my years at School which was sadly a little late to pull the A grade I was predicted out of the bag for my incredible teacher, Mrs Black in Friends school Lisburn. Continue Reading…

Wellbeing

Why massage works – Smart physio

February 9, 2018

In response to my first blogpost of 2018 which you can find here -10 body shifts you need in 2018- tell me, what have you done for your self care routine since you read it?

Share in the comments below as I am also in the position where I want ALL the change and want it ALL now – yoga in my life, less meat (I have actually managed that for two meals this past week) , stretching etc etc.

However, no matter how good our best intentions are, often we feel overwhelmed and rather than start small (which is was what I suggest we do in the blogpost) we rush in.

So, share your achievements even if they are one less meeting in the work diary or a stretch of the legs after dinner. I want to know and to support you as you allow self care to be a part of your world.

In relation to self care I mentioned that I am attending physiotherapy for six weeks with Maura of Smart physio. Continue Reading…

Wellbeing

April Alexandra. Naturopathic Nutritional therapist.

January 19, 2018

This space on the blog is where I have the pleasure of introducing you to experts in the wellbeing industry. My last blogpost states how I feel about 2018 – this is the year I want you to invest in YOU. Be yourself, show yourself self care and invest in your body. The experts I feature can help and inspire you!

Remember my self acceptance e bundle can viewed here. This notion of self acceptance rests at the core of my work – helping people to know themselves and to love and accept their traits and all the goodness they have to offer the world.

Enjoy April’s interview and all that she has to say and to educate us on. As she mentions, because of the internet April is able to do consultations and connect with people all over the world. No matter where you are you can follow her by scrolling to the bottom of the post and finding her social media tags. I love the colour and fresh approach to April’s instagram posts – glorious food pics! Continue Reading…