I have such a clatter of emotions surrounding this post.
Embarrassment that people will see these dire photos of me. Complete disgust at myself for believing that I am in any way out of shape to begin with. Then I move swiftly to feeling empowered that my body has housed three human beings and looks the way it does after only ten weeks since popping out the last one. And finally (you still here?) I question continually why am I putting this sh** out into the world in the first place?
I have struggled girls.
Emotionally had to check myself a hundred times.
Truth be told I think it is so important that you know I am not perfect.
To be fair I reckon most of my readers know I’m not portraying perfection on here, I try to be as honest as possible about life, kids and health. Just in case I have gone off kilter especially now that I have tidied up my instagram to make the pictures a little more slick, then know here and now that my life is so so so SO bloody good. But it is not perfect and neither is my body.
My body shape changed so it could house a baby
(a BABY! It never ceases to blow my mind what a miracle that is ) and now I am left with the belly that my seven year old likes to poke and comment ” It’s still wobbly Mummy”, and the boobs which hit the floor when they aren’t filled with milk.
But so have other women’s bodies for centuries!! There is nothing new about my body changes in the grander scheme of things.
I was always fascinated by my Mum’s shapely body growing up but more than anything I was intrigued at how she never complained about her body EVER in my presence.
THAT is what I want to be like and sadly I am still not there yet, mentally.
My original intentions for this post were to give you a week by week update of my body.
The weeks at the beginning where I was doing nothing activity wise but my body was still changing.
You know what though?
Those photos destroyed me every Sunday morning.
They made me sad for about two days because the changes were very little and I was SO critical of myself. Absorbed with disappoint that I was still so far away from fitting any of my clothes.
After a conversation with a friend who had her baby three days after me,
I made the decision to permanently delete the snaps from weeks 2,3,4 and 5 and to only take a photo when I felt ready.
And that is what you’re seeing. It took me over two months to feel ok with a transformation pic.
Two months of eating a ton of good healthy whole food meals to sustain my milk supply and to feed my muscles. Two months of walking, now running and weight training. Nothing manic, but aiming for consistency.
I am not someone who pings back into their jeans the week after birth. I never have been.
And I’m not a breastfeeding Mother who loses her three stone of baby weight just because she breastfeeds. I enjoy my grub too much AND I want a proper butt and muscular arms so I will always be keeping the strong over riding skinny in my world.
So what is the point of this body related (ugh) rant?